Therapy for Neurodivergent Adults
Many people seek therapy for neurodivergent adults after difficult past experiences. Many neurodivergent adults avoid therapy because they’ve been burned in the past–often by therapists who didn’t understand neurodivergence or who tried to make therapy “one size fits all.”
The Right Therapist Will Accept You Fully As You Are
You won’t have to hide your stims. You don’t have to make direct eye contact if you don’t want to. You can use fidgets in session. If you’re doing virtual therapy, you can even keep your camera off if that feels more comfortable. Neurodivergent-affirming therapy isn’t about “fixing” you. It’s about helping you feel safe, understood, and supported–so growth becomes possible.
What Is Neurodivergence?
The neurodivergent umbrella includes people who are Autistic, ADHD, and/or Highly Sensitive. The concept of neurodiversity was coined by Judy Singer in 1997 to acknowledge that differences in the human brain are natural. You are not “broken” and do not need to be “fixed.”
You may think, learn, and communicate differently than a neurotypical person. And you definitely want a therapist who understands and respects your neurodivergence. Accommodations aren’t “special treatment.” They’re part of creating safety and accessibility–things like:
Stimming freely
Using fidgets
Avoiding forced eye contact
Taking pauses
Keeping the camera off sometimes in online therapy
Why Many Neurodivergent People Avoid Therapy
Many neurodivergent people have also experienced trauma during their lifetimes. Finding a therapist who is trauma-informed is crucial. The emphasis should be on safety, trust, and empowerment. You never have to be forced to discuss something if you’re not ready. This starts with a strong, therapeutic relationship. You can usually feel this warmth and safety from the beginning. The intersection of trauma and neurodivergence makes many people believe that something is wrong with them. With trust, time, and the right therapy modality for you, you will learn to believe that whatever happened to you is not your fault. You will be able to move forward with your life goals.
Green Flags In A Neurodivergent-affirming Therapist
The emphasis should be on safety, trust, and empowerment. You should never feel forced to discuss something before you’re ready. Therapy should move at a pace that respects your nervous system. That begins with the therapeutic relationship–often you can feel warmth and steadiness from the start.
Because trauma and neurodivergence can intersect, many people carry a painful belief that something is “wrong” with them. With time, trust, and the right therapy approach for you, healing often includes a deep shift: realizing that what happened to you is not your fault–and that your needs are valid.
Therapy Approaches That Can Help Neurodivergent Adults
Empowerment in therapy is so important. Treatment decisions are made together with your therapist. Therapy is not one size fits all, especially for neurodivergent people. Nervous system regulation often includes body-based practices that help people deal more effectively with overstimulation, fatigue, shutdown, anxiety, and other challenging somatic (body) states. These practices support the parasympathetic nervous system, which promotes relaxation and recovery.
Examples of nervous system regulation tools include:
Breathwork
Gentle movement
Time in nature
Hand on heart/hand on stomach
Slowing down and taking pauses
Prioritizing sleep and recovery
Many of these tools can be practiced during therapy sessions, and some can become supportive “in-between” strategies as well.
EMDR
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) facilitates the processing of traumatic memories via bilateral movements. These can be eye movements, tapping on the body, holding tappers, a light bar, or bilateral music. There are other creative adaptations, including using art. Your therapist guides you through an eight-stage process to help heal your trauma and move forward with your life. Many neurodivergent clients have benefited greatly from EMDR.
Brainspotting
Brainspotting is a brain-body therapy that uses spots in a person’s field of vision to process traumatic memories and difficult emotions. The therapist guides you in finding the brainspot that helps you mindfully be with the sensations in your body while your brain naturally processes the traumatic memory or difficult emotion. The process flows fluidly while your therapist gently witnesses and attunes to you. You can be silent or talk; the process works either way. Biolateral music can also be used during the process. Some neurodivergent clients find brainspotting to be more gentle than EMDR.
IFS (Internal Family Systems)
IFS (Internal Family Systems) is a therapy that focuses on understanding and healing the various parts in a person’s internal world. We all have parts, for example, an inner critic part, a perfectionist part, a 7 year old part who experienced trauma, etc. IFS honors the experiences of each part, including our wise Self. Parts are explained beautifully in the movie “Inside Out” and its sequel. This gentle treatment vibes well with many neurodivergent people.
Finding The Right Therapist For You
You may feel overwhelmed with so many options to choose from. The most important aspect of any type of therapy is making sure that you and your therapist have good therapeutic rapport. After the first session or consultation, you should feel safe and comfortable with your therapist. The therapist should be empathetic, nonjudgmental, supportive, and provide a sense of hope that your work together can lead to change. Trust your gut–if you feel that something is off, then it is. With the right therapist for you, any of these treatment modalities can work.
You can try PsychologyToday.com for the broadest search for any type of therapist.
To find an EMDR therapist, you can search https://www.emdria.org/find-an-emdr-therapist/
To find a Brainspotting therapist, you can search Brainspotting.com/directory
Many trauma-informed and somatic therapists can do nervous system regulation, including EMDR and Brainspotting therapists.
I enjoy working collaboratively with neurodivergent adults. Please feel free to email me with any questions.
Another great therapist that you can contact is Toni Teixeira, LCSW